I Would love to hear about your experiences being an only child or having siblings. The family lives of the characters from Nights below Station Street and Joy Luck Club demonstrate that a child's behavior is directly affected by the overdose of parental love for them. Shil1978 is a science buff with 11 years of experience writing about of psychology and related-topics. 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When you're a child you don't understand all of the work that goes into raising children. Because of their intense love, they want to save the child from the hardships they had to endure and their love becomes harmful for the children. In my case, it's the latter, but I do have friends who share very close and strong bonds with their siblings. While having a sibling can help you prepare for chaos (whether it's fun chaos or the terrifying kind), having a controlling sibling can make it harder for you to socialize outside of your family. Who did it have to make them with? In fact, some are better at socializing with adults and have better relationships with their parents. My father is living & we have a strange relationship- he talks @ me, but never asks how I am doing. My husband and I do not want another child and my son doesn't seem to want a sibling either. (non sexual) At the age of 19 I started University in England and had my first sexual relationship which lasted 2 months. What has changed? Like having my alone time. He says I am happy with all I have but there is still something empty and I ve missed all this fun and love by not having a sibling. However, research shows that only children are no more selfish, spoiled, or lonely than anyone else. One time my mother kept talking about "stay away from the poison nightshade plant out back it will kill you" she said it so often my little 4 year old curiosity got the better of me and I licked one of the leaves, I didn't eat any of it but remembered what my mother told me I would die. I mean, it did have its ups, too. Think about what it was like to raise you first child and weigh the pros and cons. I watch other fathers/daughters and mothers/daughters when I'm out, and wish that I had had that strong bond. The most common descriptors for the birth order hierarchy are: firstborn, middle or later born, last born, and only child. That said, siblings can also be bad influences, in which case, you may see a child become more selfish as a defense mechanism, protecting themselves against greedy or controlling siblings. According to recent research, however, these claims are overstated. Being the only child is tough, because their playmate is also the authority figure. The lack of help from older siblings may put too much pressure on the parents and cause conflicts. In that way, it was a lot to take and did have a lasting negative impact on my young adult life as I had no one to talk to. It is not a natural consequence. I also enjoyed a relationship with my cousins who were about my own age. Thanks for taking up this subject, as an only child I can say that I grew up in family with various problems, my dad had an alcohol problem in all of my childhood, and he decided to take his life when I was only 8 years old, and my mom was dealing with anxiety problems because of my dads alcohol abuse. He´s not only our son but our friend whom we can talk to about everything. Being the only child is a blessing because everyone I know have a lot of siblings and they always ask me you have sisters and brothers I'm like no an only child they will be like your lucky or I wish I was you. Parents will have to pay doubled the price. I always hated seeing my friends going through that. Recognise how positive relationships promote children’s- well -being. However, my mom was 40 years old when I was born and my dad was 42 years old. I loved her to bits and while I would certainly not change the gift of having had her as such a special person in my life, it was tough. Only now that I am 65 I have some peace in my life. I had the most responsibilities, matured a lot faster, and was in "charge". I grew up with an older half brother. The lack of another young person during these years made me grow up cynical, angry, and scared to be alone. I remember asking my parents for a sibling but the main reason was because I was the only person I knew who was an only child. They raised me with guilt and fear, and I am still harboring some of the guilt.I was always told I was a bad kid and there was something wrong with me. You'll just have to cancel everything as I'm NOT moving out of MY house, so SHE (my pal) can come up for a few days!" Well it sure sucks altogether, especially if you have no friends at all either. My brothers don't give a rats arse about my folks and only see/speak to them when they want something. I have no idea where this silly "Little Emperor" myth came from. I married right after college and then he became the only child at home. Later that night, while he slept, Myhrra was down on her knees assembling the parts of the toy tank. However, I am parenting my daughter much the same way as you are, so irrespective of whether I choose to go in for a second child or not, I am sure she would grow up very well. All of that time listening to our parents talk about the value of the dollar made us more mature, which is why we won’t act childish and bring unnecessary drama into the relationship. Studies suggest that getting pregnant within 18 months after your first child is born can make it more likely that your second child will be born early, underweight, or smaller than usual for the number of months he was in the womb. Only child syndrome is not the mythical syndrome we once thought. By the time my was 25 years old she was a widow with three children. I picked this topic for my speech and it is coming well finding all the information I need from this website. I found many good ideas in here. And the burden can really suffocate me. I loved being an only child. I guess there are many factors to consider. For now I have a happy, bright and independent child, and I really hope that these qualities will always stand her in good stead. They have a similar rivalry between them and admittedly I tend to dote more on my younger child. She lied to me about my adoption saying she heard of a little girl that needed a home, when in fact I was the prodct of my father's affair.I take everything to heart just like you, and have low self esteem, I kow it because of the men I chose during the years, mrried a man at age 20 that was abused by his mother, nd tookit out on me, brought 5 children into the world and I took my anger out on one of them, found outin therapy that he reminded me of his father. what a dilemma! At times, I think to myself that this is all my imagination—that I am just seeing things that aren't there! I was 11 when I met him, and fell for him right away. I'm scared because I come from a VERY close family and am best friends with my 2 siiblings. Obviously, being an only child means that your parents have only you to spend the money on, so you will not have to share it among other siblings. In our first neighborhood, all the kids were either way older or way younger. Siblings can face out problems more than only one child. But for me it was and still is, neither here nor there. I felt like I was living in a prison camp. My ideas, feelings etc on any subject were shunned or ignored. We get along much better now, but it isn't your usual loving relationship—more formal than familial and loving. As I grow up, I am finding the realisation that very soon both my parents will be gone a confusing one. And one night when his supper wasn't French fries, hamburgers, and coke, he ran into his bedroom and trips over one of his toy tanks. Myhrra also supports her son at all times whether he's wrong or right. I feel very pressured to do well in every aspect of my life and am terrified of failure as if I fail I just feel like sitting down and crying. However, i always keep an open mind because i believe family is everything and siblings are family so in the end we have to love them and just tolerate them if that's what it is. Because my mom injured her back when he was 18 months old, I was his primary care-giver when Mom was not allowed to life him. Even today, as an adult—being introverted is still totally normal and is just who I am. No wonder he was lonely. As far as the loneliness thing, a person can learn to adapt and live in a way where it doesn't affect them as much. The article was very good.I felt lonesome being a only child and I wasc extremely insecure and lacked confidence.I worked a little attended college.Married young have been together for 43 yrs.3 kids 7plus grandkids one with a disability which is hard for 5yrs older silbling who wanted to be an only.We arent close to cousins.My spouse has brothers but they dont bother.Its hard to see and hear about other families that are close and happy.We are intorvents so a few friends.But my fave time is reading and listening to music and traveling. DMCA Policy They actually act like siblings too. Siblings will learn to find out their problems independently and be willing to forgive. While I realized that this is just a personal take, I don't think it is very helpful to those seeking to expand their families, or not. i personally love being with my sibling (Although we have a 6 year gap)!!! Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. It's so often the case that people with siblings don't get on with them. — Caroline Artley, LCSW-C Psychotherapist. I don’t know if it was her way of trying to reach out to me or not. In the research of National Institute for Child and Family Development said siblings naturally engage in conflicts. Hi, I'm an only child, yes i am lonely but im very much self confident and several of the points made about inheritance and "undividded love is subjective and i can rebuttle all of your arguements suggesting that there are advantages of being an only child, we arent selfish and spoiled and dont rely on our parents, in fact since there are less poeple we have to do MORE work, i do more work than my own father. Just do what feels right to you and only you. Being the only child really do sucks. As a result, you may not even know who you are as an adult. I was brought up as an only child into a family where my parents split after 13 years of nasty, scary, and sometimes horrifying daily arguments. Hall is widely quoted as going so far as to say that being an only child was a ... children had better parent-child relationships. And I remember being laughed at in primary school, because mum said that I was 'not allowed' to take the class hamster home for the weekend (when it was my turn). Everyone is different though. Only children tend to be more creative and less sociable, study finds (Getty Images/iStockphoto) Only child ‘syndrome’: How growing up without siblings affects your child… I have put some points forth in the first part as well as to the advantages of that!! in my opinion,there will be both advantages and disadvantages being an only child! You can have a whole bunch of children, but there's no guarantee that they will get on either in childhood or later on. My husband feels like he was an only child because of a 6yr age difference and they are not close now. States should really commit to support children with disabilities and their families to ha e against world. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!! I also hate all the responsibilities I have/ will have, when it comes to my parents. Kaytee, here are a few scenarios where you may be advised to have one child versus have multiple children. The world is structured for children with siblings. She makes him read books on tropical fish. If the world was made of mainly only children I suggest it would be a different experience as the single children are far more likely to socialise with each other. I am sure your son would grow up the way you want him to and would have a long and happy life!! I love them :). I am also very weak as I take insults to heart because I didn't have a sibling who constantly teased me. I used to have day dreams that I had a brother that when he got older he protected me when my father would chase and beat me, and also give him a dose of his own medicine. Does being an only child effect how you are in romantic relationships? So, technically I’m an only and I hated it. (Sulloway, 1997) Being an only child though is not filled with simply a positive side. Parents often have a favorite child, no matter how much they deny it. I had friends in my neighborhood friends at school, and cousins to play with. I helped take care of them and they were more like my kids than my siblings. Let's take a look at some of the major advantages and disadvantages of this kind of family structure. Even after I received my Master Degree in computer science she never told me that I had did good with my life. This may explain why my brother did his best to drive my dates crazy. They are still his friends now, his 2nd "family" besides us. My mom and I made our annual roast beef and Yorkshire pudding dinner to the tune of my fighting children. It’s being an only adult that sucks. You know, the grass always seems greener on the other side. We like our privacy.We won’t freak out if our boyfriend wants to have a night out with the guys, because we know he deserves some private time. Because children’s first experience with interpersonal bonding is with their parents, when kids are exposed to abuse, they often have no reliable way of knowing who to trust or how to form attachments, explains HelpGuide.org 3⭐⭐This is a verified and trusted source Goto Source . Does anyone know any other sites to visit to get actual feedback of only children. We’ll treat you right.It might be true that only children are spoiled, but we’re certainly not as selfish as people think we are. My other brother loved sharing funny family stories with me and discuss our love for animals. (And can be very irritating.). I never really knew the elder three, they were absent and never really cared about my twin brother and I. As I was growing up in middle school and my teenage years I felt like my parents were too busy with my siblings to pay me any attention, so I spent a lot of time in my room writing poetry, listening to music and drawing. This is only when I hear comments by people in my sons school who feel the need to tell me I need to have another child because otherwise my son will grow up to be lonely. this is really great to know and learn. And then, they hit the middle age gauntlet, you’re taking one to chemo and the other ones getting an EKG to clear them for a new knee and lo and behold there’s a blockage. You can well answer this saying, "No, I would ensure that the first child is not neglected or feel less loved. There seems to be a strong wish to overlook some of the shortcomings that can be a result of being brought up as an only child. Intense sibling rivalry usually reflects intense marital issues. This is not because I love (or even like)one more than the other, but because I feel in many circumstances my ten year old is more capable than my five your old. It was G Stanley Hall, the American psychologist, who claimed being a lone child … I don't see any reason why you should feel any guilt for their lack of empathy and caring. Well I'm an only child. Parents are humans too :) They too make mistakes and bad choices, and they´re probably raising you the way they were raised when they were kids. At this time, I am determined that our little man will be a mindful, compassionate, & easy going person if we focus his path on these things. I am not an only child so I do not have any experience, but this article got me thinking, I'm an only child and by far I agree with everything you've stated. i need u help... would u give me the author name of this paper ? When my brother was born, it was at first like having a new doll -- only a live one. My husband is the oldest of three children and him and his brother and sister don't get along, especially him and his sister and they're 31 and 27. Loving a child helps to shape a child's future, in-order to encourage healthy values but too much of love makes them ill-mannered and makes them throw tantrums even when they grow up. I have zero problems @ work... pretty chill when it comes to work conflicts (my husband is the stressor/ worrywart/doesn't get along well with people as much as i do). Don't worry. There are many pros and cons to being an only child. We are proud of him. I definitely wasn't spoiled... in fact I was taught @ a young age how to be responsible (ironed clothes/mowed the lawn for some change). Only children always want to get their way, can’t share and are generally selfish—or so the long-held prejudice goes. But I was close to both my parents overall. An only child will have more independence and freedom than they might otherwise have. I am now a parent myself. Maybe being the younger child I was more dependent and insecure but my brother as the older and required to do more for me became more extrovert and able to make decisions and take charge. I often wished I was an only child growing up as I would have been spared all the rivalry and destructive abuse, and the worst thing I might have complained about is feeling lonely. Perfectionist (so I put undue expectations on husband and son, which I am trying to stop because I see how it affects a 5 year olds confidence if I show disappointment). I never raised my hand to answer a question or to volunteer to read. And the ones that i know are married with a family since they have been very blessed to find their loved ones when many of us weren't. Sue my adoptive parents gave me toys and provided well for me, but what went with it was not pretty. my mothers family prefers her other sisters to go to,they being rich and also having alot of people(children). For many years I had to deal with a lack of self esteem and self confidence. I liked being an only child. Children have always been their parents' primary concern. These comments are the only "real" things I've been able to find other than studies. I cannot even have m adopotion records opened ,I live in New Jersey and this is the only state that does ot alow adoptees the right of knowing who their real parents were. Off all the times in a child's life that they need their parents, one of the biggest will be the day your child comes out as transgender. Thanks for the article, especially the questions at the end. I now have a four year old and would love to have another, maybe even two more. 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